ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
