walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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