Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
