The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
