I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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