he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
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