I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
