He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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