my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
