Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
