I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
