I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
