I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
