Plan B is the new Plan A
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize