I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
