Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
