maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
