im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
