I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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