you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Ladies don't puke and tell
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
