I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize