I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
