And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
