It was confusing and full of hummus
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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