Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
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