my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
