I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
