we're making bets on your personal life
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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