her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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