the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
