Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My hand turned me down
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
