My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
