arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
