i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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