just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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