two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Dignity is for republicans.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
