you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
