Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize
