I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Four minutes until I can fart!
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
