Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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