I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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