that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
