Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize