We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
