I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
