Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My dick has a subreddit
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
