is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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