and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
