I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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