Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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