my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
