dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
