well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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