you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
