until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
