the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
we made out on top of his cat.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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