high people should be assigned attendants
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
