He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
