That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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