it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
