I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
