If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
