Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
