we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
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