Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
