this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
did i walk over a car last night?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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