No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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