whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
