after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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