Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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