My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
