So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
