I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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