I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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