We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
