He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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