He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
