watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
