The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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