when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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