can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
