next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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