Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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